Booty Call Protocol:)

Since starting college, Melissa and I have learned quite a bit about “booty calls.” Of course neither of us intended to make the booty call a regular part of our lives, but we like to live by the philosophy, “if it’s in college, it doesn’t count.” Sometimes the boy you bring home from the bar is good at what he does, and therefore, worth going back for more. But there are rules to the casual sex game, and these rules are not to be broken unless copious amounts of whiskey are involved.

1. Sex isn’t love, and neither is your booty call. If you like him, don’t go. Chances are, if the only time you see him in daylight hours is when you’re putting your clothes back on to catch your 8 a.m. class, he isn’t interested in anything more than sex.

2. No cuddling. If you’re not too drunk to drive home, go.

3. Booty calls are flakey, and undependable. So by all means, be flakey and undependable. Don’t pass up a boy who looks like he might be a good time just because you’ve got a sure thing in booty call. He’d do the same to you.

4. Don’t fake it. If the sex isn’t good, don’t tell him it is. That shit’s for relationships. Also, consider finding another booty call.

5. Keep in mind that with the exception of an ongoing sex buddy, the boy you're going home with is a STRANGER. above all, let someone know. Don't flaunt your business, but let a friend know where you'll be.

6. In addition to rule 5, the fact that you are sleeping with a stranger means that you need to be safe. No condom, no sex. Pulling out won't stop you from getting herpes. Plus, can you really rely on a drunk stranger to pull out? Doubtful.

7. Don't call. Don't text. Unless it's to meet up. There's really nothing for the two of you to talk about, is there?

8. No emotional talking. Do you like me? Is this going anywhere? Could this be more than a hookup? The answers are no, no, and no. it's sex, that's it. If it becomes more than that to you, go back up to rule #1 please:)

All these rules should make for a great booty call, at least on your part. The downside of a stranger is that you never know how they're going to act. But that's another blog waiting to happen.

“To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.” – Homer Simpson